So, we recently bought these two chug (chihuahua + pug) puppies, Aza and Muna. They are pretty much white as can be too (just like their dear ol' dad). Anyway, today was a good day. Worship practice (I felt) went well, I read some great things in the Bible today, I killed myself in the gym (I'm on a forced fast from scratching anything above shoulder height), helped my friend Mayra out with her sore stomach (ginger root tea) and I took all my vitamins today!
However, later on this evening (a few moments ago), I just was reminded of my sin. I felt terrible. I can't explain the amount of shame I felt, knowing that I am black and oily from sin and yet God still loves me. I felt dumbfounded as I contemplated God's love. I knew in my head that I was forgiven of sin upon asking. I have read this in the word (logos) many times. I have faith too that it is so. However, the quickening of those scripture to my heart (rhea) would provide me with one of the closest analogies I have ever had about God's love.
So, my puppy, Aza, poked her head up over the couch as I was sitting at my dining room table. She whined a little bit. I looked at her and said "I'm just going to be right here". She looked at me with those big (they're actually quite small), brown eyes (nearly black actually) and whined again...and it almost looked like she sighed. I gave in. I went over and picked her up. What a surprise I had when I realized that she just wanted to be held. just wanted some affection. She was saying "hey, dad - I'm over here all by myself. You are right there and I can't get to you." Which is funny - because I literally told her before I went and got her "Don't you know that you can go jump off the couch and come around to me?" She didn't move.
I brought her over to where I was sitting, at the dinner table and held her. As I was holding her, I thought about her as a little lamb. The way she was just lying there, content and quiet now that she was in my arms.
You know, she's was privileged today. Usually, I keep them in kitchen. They're still not house-trained fully and I find that it is easier to clean up on linoleum vs. on carpet. So, I put up barriers between the linoleum area and the carpet area. Back to the story:
As I am holding her, a familiar voice whispers to me. "This is how I love you." I became aware of the way I was lovingly and comfortingly holding her. I hugged her tighter. I said "I know, but I don't deserve this." I was met quickly with the response "Neither does she. She poops and pees on the carpet and yet you still allow her in here and love her like this." Immediately a few thoughts raced into my head as I began to cry:
The kitchen was like the Outer Room in the Tent of Meeting, where the Israelites to go to meet God. The carpeted areas was like the Holy of Holies; where God resided. This dog, who has a great lack of bowel and bladder control and a propensity to nibble on fabric was allowed into the area she wanted to be, where I was. And even further than that, she was now being loved in my arms; despite the fact that she has these lacks of control.
It was like this for me then too. Despite my sins, I asked for forgiveness (thinking in my head how I didn't deserve it). But my sins were overlooked and I was allowed entrance into the Holy of Holies and even more so, I am cradled in the arms of grace and mercy and reconciliation of Jesus Christ. I cried for only about a minute (it felt good); but I want that this understanding stay with me for a lifetime.
So, this is the way that God used one of my puppies to demonstrate His awesome, unconditional and everlasting love for me.
Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.
Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.
O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.
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