You know, it's quite (by the way, this is going to be a huge understatement) a big change when you get married (I'll bet you did not know that). It's even weirder when you recently moved somewhere, and you are at level ground in everything. For me, I seemed to have lost parts of who I was; things that made me...well, me. The person I was in Virginia is nothing like the person that I was in California, and the person that I am in Washington is starting to show symptoms of both area's influence. That, my friend is a relief and nice.
I talk to the youth a lot about keeping their identities in Christ. I reason that (and the Bible backs this up) someone who has their identity in Christ stands firm on truth. That means that, when someone tries to tell them they are ugly, they know the opposite to be true ("don't you know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made?" Psalm 139:14). When someone tells us that we aren't good enough or can't do something, we know the opposite to be true ("I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil. 4:13). When someone tries to do us unjustly, we can have strength (paraphrased: blessed is the one who has joy in the trials, for to him will come wisdom from God and receive the crown of life [James 1:12], God is our justice and He will take care of us and be our justice [Matt. 6:26].)
But also, circumstance and new things can rob us of our identity. As my wife prepares to go visit her mother and father, I am forced to face the truth that I will be on my own for about 2 weeks I think. Then, it dawned on me a little bit ago. I have become quite co-dependent. Which is okay, however, I think I've taken it too far.
Yesterday, (not to toot my own horn) Liz compared me to Thomas Jefferson (a man I admire a lot!). A brilliant man, he was an architect, mathematician, artist, painter, hunter, gardener, philosopher, intellectual, lawmaker, rebel, revolutionist, poet, writer, lawyer and more. Liz asserted yesterday that, the thing that separates he and I is that he knew how to manage his time very well (I think there are a few more things though). He had all these talents and had the time to develop them quite well. It got me thinking...
When I was in VA, I did make a lot of time to do a lot of things. I wrote a book, I designed graphics, I planned events, I played in bands, I gave council, I helped medical students study, I learned foreign languages, I philosophized, I hunted, I learned to live off the land, I taught in college, I traveled the world and much more! I used to "weave" my words in a strategic way in nearly every conversation and some people told me to knock it off because it was like speaking to a book of poetry!
However, here I sit; in Washington; a fraction of that person. I couldn't plan my way out of a paper bag, teach anyone anything, think deeply or recite one incantation from Kant. I've relied on her too too much. However, all is not lost! When we are humble, God grants us discernment into our own lives. It is easy for us to see the faults in others; but how hard for us to see ourselves!
These next few weeks are going to be challenging in an exciting way. I am going to be able to take this time to refocus. Get back to the core of me. Who am I? I know who I am in Christ. But just as every servant of God should fear - I think that I have become more focused on doing the work than the person I am working for! I have been blessed with many talents, few of which I am utilizing.
It is good for us, all of us, to take time to reevaluate ourselves and situations. Jesus the Christ did this frequently. He took many breaks and retreated many times. He worked hard and He rested well. This cannot be lost! I'm sure that in those times, as He would go to pray to His Father, He would be reminded again and again what His purpose was here. He took that time to resharpen His ministry and self; that He would be onesimus, or "useful" to His Father. Let's take a chapter (literally) out of His book and learn to refocus and reevaluate, so that we may never forget our purpose, modus operandi, and to be onesimus. If we become unuseful, what use do we have? (Matt. 5:13, Luke 14:34, Mark 9:50).
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